In God's Time

Love. The Right One. Everyone loves to talk about these things.

Some people are lucky enough to have found it so early in their lives. However, others needs to wait for it (and sometimes thinking if it will ever come).

I'm one of those people waiting.

Before, I couldn't really get a grasp of the whole concept of waiting for the right person. I mean, I've been single most of my (almost) 25 years living. But a part of me is always longing to have someone to love me and someone I could love, like a feeling of security. Hence, the heartbreaks.

Here is where God comes in..the past few months that I spent being single and being so in love and in a relationship with God was one of the most amazing feeling, ever. He fills my heart with so much love and understanding. I can see things more clearly now. And all of a sudden, the hole in my heart is filled with God's love.

The feeling of searching for someone suddenly disappeared. I was more satisfied with what I have. I stopped seeing guys as potential boyfriends but being actual friends with them.

I also realized I forgot the things that matter most that I should be focusing on..like God, my family and friends. Being single is great! I don't know why I didn't see that before. I got to do a lot of things, I go to Sunday service often, I signed up for a small group in my church, and what I'm really looking forward to is the single's retreat on my birthday weekend. I'm so excited because it's my 25th birthday and how awesome it will be if I'm going to be baptized on the same day. And I also get to spend a lot of time with my family and friends.

I read this somewhere, it says: When you pray, God answers you in 3 ways..Yes, No, and Not Now. He gave me a message a week ago, about His perfect timing. He wants me to not act in haste, but to sit down, relax and wait for His time.

Right now, I'm just waiting. I know that God is preparing His best for me and God is surely preparing me to be His best. He's telling me to wait..and that's what I'm going to do. :)

My message for God's best:

Hi! How are you? :) I know that you're waiting patiently for me as I am patiently waiting for you too. Hang in there. I know it could be hard sometimes, but thinking that God has both of us well prepared gives me strength. God is still preparing me too. We will reap our harvest pretty soon, I can feel it. I don't want you to meet me like this, not just yet. I trust God's time, that at the right moment, things will be perfect..beyond amazing! Take care of yourself, stay strong and keep God close to your heart.

 I'm so excited to meet you! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you! ;)

Transformation

Looking back at my last post, seems like I was trying to let go of some of my strongholds. It has been REALLY difficult, but I must say, I feel like a different woman now..in a really good way.

Since my sister left (I've been living with her and my brother in law), I've been struggling on facing the fact that I am independent and fully in charge of myself. No one will catch me in case I fall. This did not push me to go back to my old ways and be stubborn or do something stupid to overcome what I was feeling, but with God's grace, I did something absolutely different. I noticed that I was always taking the high road (even though it's really difficult), I made a move of restoring my relationship with my family (which is a really good thing because I love them sooo much and I love having them around and I've been really grouchy for the longest time and I want to make up for it), and my hunger for God just grew so much that I started focusing on my relationship with Him (the most important). I make sure to attend Sunday service at church, joined a new small group, prayer and fasting, and whole lot of things in store. :)

For a month, went through a lot of things that I thought I would never experience, my faith was tested (and still being tested), things that made me surrender myself to the Lord. Most nights I'm crying my heart out to Him, because at this point, there is nothing I can do, but He can do what is impossible. It says in Mark 10:27 (NIRV) - Jesus looked at them and said, "With man, that is impossible. But not with God. All things are possible with God."

I'm learning a lot about walking in faith, trusting God's plan, being a person of prayer, courage, surrendering everything to God, perseverance, you name it. But I'm really glad that I was able to deal with communicating with others, expressing what I feel. Normally, I would just shut everyone out and be like, I don't care, whatever. But now, even though it was soooo hard for me to do, I started letting God in my heart 100% and take over my life, my sister (being able to explain what I feel) and my family. It was easier for me to process my emotions now than before, I don't feel like a time bomb that will explode any moment.

My sister told me that she's seeing a lot of good changes in me. I'm glad to hear that because I'm letting God take over my live. I always pray that people will see Jesus through me and to become the woman God says I am.

I know that there's a lot in store for me. I will still go through a lot of trials to polish me, but I'm ready, because with this battle, I have God by my side, He will fight this for me. He is the God of the impossible. I am claiming the victory now.  

No Title

Today, I feel alone more than ever. When I look at everyone, it seems like things are actually happening in their lives whereas mine is slowing down. Now, Everybody's Changing by Keane is playing in my head, feeling like a show or something. I'm soooo weird.

I don't want to be alone anymore. :'(

There's a lot where my sadness is coming from and not just about the matters of the heart. I've been dealing with this for a few weeks now. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I guess I don't need to really tell the story about that, let's just say, my favorite person in the whoooole world is moving to another country...and that's my sister. That being said, it just feels like...no words (can describe how I feel). I just started crying like I've never cried before while typing this (it actually helped a lot because I got to release what I'm feeling). I think my emotions are just pushing me to the edge. If you ask me, I REALLY don't want to feel anything...AT ALL. I want to numb myself and to clear my head from anything that would lead to realizing that I'm alone.

I may seem discouraged now but I still believe and I'm not going to give up. Who knows, I'm just a few days, weeks or months away from meeting the man I'm going to love for the rest of my days and beyond. But for now, I'm done looking, I'm done confusing myself that every guy I feel attracted to is possibly the right one.

Before I started writing, I watched this video, it is a testimony about meeting the right person. You know what, I was reminded of what I would keep telling myself (but eventually grew tired of it). I always tell myself (pretty much most of what I write in my blog as well) that when I meet the right person for me, I'll know. I don't know how to describe it, but it would be like a discernment or a certainty that I'll be spending the rest of my days with this person. When I meet that person, I will not hold back, I will not give in to my fears, and I won't let that person go.

Oh man, I really don't have a clue why I feel like this for days now. I can't wait for my breakthrough. I really don't want to feel like this anymore. Well, that pretty much sums it up. Although, I don't really feel like going into details about my emotions and I'm sure I didn't make any sense at all with this post. I just need an outlet because my heart couldn't handle this anymore.

Mmkay, whoever gets to read this, bear with me. I really hope I could write something upbeat soon. Keeping my fingers crossed on that, believe me, I'd rather share how happy I am than sad. Time for some shut eye. Goodnight! x

Procrastination

Lately, I've been drifting away from the most important thing I need to everyday..and that is my devotional and my time with God. Whatever reason I have for not doing it is just a flimsy excuse, I know. Not doing it makes me feel guilty and emptier than ever.

What a huge difference it makes just a day not spending time or giving it to God. What more can a week or more?

My actions reflects me, however, I'm not showing how Nicole really is. I'm not giving my 100% at work as I should, I'm easily swayed, I don't speak life giving words, and I just settling for mediocrity. What I'm doing now was not what I promised myself to do. I should always be on my best, not settling for less.

Admitting these things is extremely hard for me and I'm disappointed. Here comes the water works. :,(
I need to follow through, I need to finish what I started.

My devotional today really answered most of my questions:
(from Rick Warren's Daily Devotional)
Day 117:


Why Do I Procrastinate?

The Bible says you procrastinate for one of five reasons.

Indecision. "A double minded man is unstable in all he does." (James 1:8 LB) Indecision causes you to postpone buying a car, choosing a college, getting married, buying new clothes, changing a job.

Perfectionism. "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done!" (Ecclesiastes 11:4 LB) If you wait for things to be perfect, you're going to wait a long time.

Fear. "The fear of man is a trap." (Proverbs 29:25 LB) Have you been postponing going to the dentist? Or getting into marriage counseling? Ask yourself, "What am I afraid of?"

Anger. "A lazy person is as bad as someone who is destructive." (Proverbs 18:9 GNT) Procrastination is passive resistance. I don't want to do it because I don't like you telling me to do what I have to do. Anger causes us to put things off.

Laziness. "Lazy people want much but get little, while the diligent are prospering." (Proverbs 13:4 LB) One of the most popular words in America is "easy." If it's easy, we like it. If it's hard, we don't like it.

The next time you find yourself procrastinating, stop and ask yourself why. Then ask God to help you overcome it so you can move forward and do what you need to do.

-- I strongly agree. I'm indecisive, I wait for the perfect moments (which keeps on passing me by because I fail to take a deeper look). I fear rejection, failure, disappointment, and I fear that I'm not good enough. I'm putting things on hold because of all those things.

Writing all these things I need to improve on is really difficult, it's making me cry like a baby. But acknowledging the fact that I need to change shows strength, I suppose. The Holy Spirit is nudging me to act on it and I'm thankful. No more procrastinating, Nicole. It's time to move and show what you can offer. It's now or never.

I'm not going to let the enemy defeat me, I've come so far to give up now. And I know that the moment you're tempted to give up, you must fight harder because your breakthrough is near. God is bigger than any problems or worries that I have, He can move mountains and I know I'm not alone, He is with me all the way.



I'm glad to finally have the words to express what I've been feeling for the past 2 weeks or so. Now, time to get some shut eye. Goodnight! x

Patience

Today is the first day of my new work and I couldn't be happier. I felt that it's really a good place for me to work and I finally found the right place for me.

I'm very thankful that God gave me this job. I prayed for it so many times and I waited for this job. And the feeling of finally stepping in to the office makes me like...WOW. I mostly don't have words for what I feel. Mostly feel like this is the feeling you get when you finally have what you waited and prayed for.

When you try to relate it to any aspect of your life, it truly means so much, getting to experience it on a different way. Like for instance, waiting for God's best. At times, I can get a little discouraged or hasty to find an answer on who is the one for me. But God is giving me answers gradually while I wait. It's very important to always seek God because He never fails to give you answers. I just need to be patient enough to wait because God promises a bright future and to give us His best. I declare victory in the future. :)

Mmkay, I need to get some shut eye, early start tomorrow.

Goodnight! x

This is how you lose her.

Boom! Just hit me. REPOST.

Source: http://thunderpopcola.tumblr.com/ (love her blog)

This is how you lose her. 

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

Change

They say that the only constant thing in life is change...that's true. In fact, it's also inevitable. And most people are afraid of it. I, for one, was one of those people. But trusting God's plan for us gives me the confidence to face the fears of change.

For The Better

I found this photo in spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com whom I follow. I wanted to share it because I can relate to it.

For a girl, it wasn't too easy to admit this, but growing up, I was really exposed to the "material world" wherein it was really difficult to say no to temptation. I learned smoking and drinking very young(one of my vices), now quitting wasn't easy, it was not even an option to me before.

Here comes asking God to lead the way for me, things changed bit by bit. Starting over was REALLY hard! Even now, I'm still having a lot of struggles, however, in times of adversity, it became like a reflex to turn to God right away. Anyway, going back, I decided to quit smoking last September. It was so difficult in the beginning because I was really craving for it. It was a routine for me to smoke during my breaks and after lunch, it was also what I do when I'm stressed out, but it did not give me the satisfaction of making myself feel entirely better. Also with drinking, when I was going through a heartbreak, that was the best solution for me, I go home late at night, drunk, feeling emptier than ever, the next day, go through the same thing. Those became a habit that I didn't realize was trying to kill me inside one day at a time.

Aside from my jump-start on quitting those vices, the best solution I had in mind is to rid myself from hanging out with my "drinking buddies". You become the people you surround yourself with, so that time, I was only hanging out with a few friends at work, who only wants to dine out or go to coffee shops to hang out, well more like my thing because I love conversing and drink coffee/milk tea/tea. Lol! And of course, most of them are goal oriented, kind and just amazing people.

I was not able to see the gravity of the situation before, all I knew was those were the darkest days of my life because everything was vague, all for temporary happiness. But nothing beats wanting to change your life for the better and having God take control of your life. Before, those were the things I want to do, but now, I do things to please God, and no one else.

Dealing with the past is something that is a challenge for me, but this is the way to face my future without turning back. I'll be writing more about that soon.

-----

It's weird, because I've been getting these inspiration on just expressing my feelings, writing and just sharing parts of me to everyone. Whoever reads this, I hope that my experiences and the things I learned out of those situations will also help you, it may not be in the same scenario, but in any aspect of your life.

I'm sharing my experiences so you all will see how I was able to overcome it, with the help of the Lord and His grace and mercy. :) I want everyone to know that I could not do this alone, I have God by my side, and he did not leave me nor forsake me.

Follow me on Tumblr: nicoleaquino.tumblr.com :)

Goodnight!
x

PS:

I just want to share this video on Youtube that I can't seem to post here, so here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dPmxXTfWOvg
It's called, Bible Theater: 1 Corinthians - Running to Win the Prize. :)

-Exactly the message that I needed to hear tonight. Thank you Lord! :)

All Things Are Possible

Last night, before going to bed, I prayed and I asked God a question. Going back to my other post, I was rambling about something surreal, right? The question I asked was about that. Thing is, there was a battle in my head if some things, such as my dilemma are possible. Last night, before going to bed, I received a sign (Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) and today when I woke up, while reading me devotional, I got a clear answer. God is reminding me that all things are possible with Him. Let me share you my devotional today from Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life. :)


Mark 10:27 (NIRV)
27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man, that is impossible. But not with God. All things are possible with God."


You Have Potential

It's amazing how many gifted people there are who just sit on the sidelines of life and do nothing. They never take a step forward to use the gifts God has given them because they don't believe they're gifted in the first place. Are you one of them?

The truth is, God has given each one of us gifts, talents and abilities. He has a great plan for you and has equipped you to do great things for His Kingdom. But until you see yourself the way He sees you and trust Him to enable you to use your gifts, you won't live up to your God-given potential.

If you're struggling with low self-esteem, a poor self-image and lacking confidence, I want you to know that God created you with amazing potential. And when you trust God and believe you can do whatever He says you can do, you will fulfill His destiny for your life.

Remember, "all things are possible with God." When you put your confidence in Him, you will be free to live up to your potential.

Prayer Starter: God, help me to see myself through Your eyes, with the gifts and talents You've given me. I believe that You made me with great potential because You are a great God. Today, I put my confidence in You and believe that all things are possible with You!

This message does not only make me feel better because I got the answer to my prayer, but absolutely amazing because this implies to any aspect of my life. I've been afraid on showing my potentials. I know most of it, but every time I try to step up and do all the things my heart wishes to do, I sometimes get dishearten because of setbacks. But right now, I'm a totally different woman, I'm God's warrior and I'm doing this for Him.

God is unfolding His plans for me, little by little. I believe He gives me discernment, but I'm praying for more wisdom.

Oh my, just an aha moment, I remembered my previous boss told me few months ago when we were having one on one talks that she observed that people listen to me and they follow me, it's just a matter on how will I use it for the right reasons. When she told me that, it was overwhelming because I did not see it that way, I mean, I know I can easily talk to anyone but I did not see it the way she did. God used her to make me see my potential. And yes, now I know that it is my purpose to serve Him by sharing His word to people, just like Paul did. I was blind, but now I see.


John 9:25 (NIRV)
25He replied, "I don't know if he is a sinner or not. I do know one thing. I was blind, but now I can see!"


Right now, my heart is filled with so much joy and my love to God and as I'm writing this, I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. It is truly amazing.

Have a great weekend ahead everyone! :)

x

Act On It

Today, I've been reflecting on what needs improvement in me and my life in general. There were some things that I couldn't control. I mean, I do realize my faults and all, but I need to follow through, I need to have a strong conviction on what I need to, well, not really change, but let me just put it this way, I need to turn my weaknesses into strengths.

On the days that I feel like I'm ready for everything, comes a setback (unfortunate events, you name it). I know I'm being tested, but it gets frustrating sometimes. And I'm just thankful that more often, I have God and He also uses my sister to talk to me, but it's not going to be that way forever, especially now that she's married, her priorities change. I figured that I need to step up and make my relationship with God stronger than ever because He is all I have when I come to think of it (aside from my family).

Despite all my rants, or the over-thinking going on, I feel so inspired. I realized that it's always easy to say that I want to make things happen in my life, but it's much better to act on it and make things happen. I really feel like this will be the year that things will start happening for me.

So, as I'm turning 25 in September 29, I really don't want to go through a quarter life crisis, and that's not even an option. I had some things listed out that some I was able to start, like:

Learn French, Spanish or any other language aside from Tagalog and English.
-I've been into this since I was in college, and it's about time that I learn both languages that I've been dying to learn since I was 14. I know a little Mandarin because I studied it in high school, but that's all forgotten now. And I always see myself settling down in Spain (so now, I'm wondering why I'm practicing French basics first), unfortunately, coming from a family that has a Spanish bloodline, I didn't learn to speak the language. :( I'm always asking my Grandma and Mom to teach me, but their Spanish is rusty so they just gave me tips like, if I want to learn, I should start by learning a Spanish song, and that would be a good start. Hmm, good one (light-bulb moment). Ha ha  :)  Well, one more thing why I want to learn both languages is because I want to travel (given that I'm able to save money for my trips to those places), and I want to be able to experience the place the way I always dreamt to, conversing to people on their own language, etc.

Learn how to drive.
-Okay, this is really funny because I tried to drive once and it scared the heck out of me. But, one failure doesn't mean I'll quit. ;)

Healthy lifestyle not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.
-This one is the most important, because not being healthy stops me from doing the things I want, like surfing, etc. So working out is a must, watching what I eat, etc.
Emotionally and spiritually, I figured that the way to do it is working on myself and surrounding myself with people who also has goals and have the same outlook in life, people who will also inspire me.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but good thing I'm still single, because I'll get to completely work on myself while I'm waiting for God's best. :)

Anyway, I have more in mind, but I don't want to write it down. I'm also having a hard time staring at the screen because I have a massive headache. :(

For anyone who gets to read this, sorry if I may seem self centered and keep on writing about myself. See, this is my outlet, so I'm better in expressing my feelings when I write it rather than talk about it. Oh I'm so chatty since yesterday.

I'll try to sleep early because it's going to be a busy Friday for me tomorrow. :) Oh goodie!

Good night loves!

x

Devotional

Thursday, April 4th
4:04AM

For the past few days, I've been starting my day my way. But I noticed that I was always in a bad mood, easily irritated, you name it. I hated the fact that I couldn't control my emotions, it was so fickle, it switches in a snap.

I can feel that the enemy is attacking me using the circumstances that I'm facing. It started last week, during the Holy week. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone, I was always dealing with something that irritated me the most (like having my allergy for weeks and spraining my left wrist to name a few). Everyone annoyed me, especially when I was in pain. There were struggles, here and there, I can't specify everything, but I was pressured and in pain. So I snapped.

One thing saved me, even though I was feeling that way, I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit nudged me to go to God. Every time I felt annoyed or in pain, I prayed. But I'm still being attacked by the enemy, and you know what, I got this message come Monday on my Facebook app for God's daily message, it said that I should start my day with God. So when I woke up technically yesterday morning (since it's already the 4th), I was supposedly going to do what I normally do, but I saw my prayer book and I prayed. After I prayed, I checked my devotionals on Youversion...I follow Rick Warren's Daily Devotional and Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life (which was the perfect combination because with Rick Warren's devotional, it speaks to our generation and Joyce Meyer's devotional is for women). I decided to catch up starting April 1st.

The message on my devotionals truly touched my heart. Talked about God knows my frustrations, stress, and the future. There's also one on fear. It's basically just perfect for the day it was for, I realized that if I read this topic last Monday or Tuesday, those days would've been different. After I read the devotionals, I prayed. I talked to God, thanked Him, asked for forgiveness, cast all my worries and care upon Him. I prayed for my new job that will start in 18 days. I prayed for my goal board. I prayed for all my heart's desires. When I prayed, my tears just kept flowing, I felt His presence as I talk to Him, and the Holy Spirit.

Right after my prayer, I felt absolutely amazing. And you know what, I want to feel this great everyday.

When God touches your heart, you can never go back. You'll want more and right now, I want to learn more about God, I seek for Him. The day went great, God kept on talking to me in His way. I was able to finish The Bible series (which made me cry like a baby when Jesus was crucified).

Anyway, I feel chatty than usual today, my apologies. Here were some of the messages on my devotional (not in order):

Feels great to share this. I'll sleep in a while. Good morning!

x

Enjoying Who God Created You to Be by Joyce Meyer

Enjoying Who God Created You to Be
by Joyce Meyer

Start believing today that you are a rare, one-of-a-kind, valuable and precious woman. To help you learn how to be successful at being yourself, I want to give you some easy-to-follow suggestions:

Speak good things about yourself. Declare what God’s Word says about you. For example, say to yourself, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am made acceptable in the Beloved. God formed me with His own hand, He loves me, and God doesn’t make mistakes.”

Avoid comparing yourself with other women. God must love variety, or all of us wouldn’t look so different. He has created each of us differently right down to our fingertips. We can look to certain people as good examples to follow, but even then, good traits if duplicated will manifest differently through our individual personalities.

Focus on your potential instead of your limitations. Refuse to concentrate on your weaknesses except in an effort to turn them into strengths. Keep your flaws in perspective. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as those without confidence, but they focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses.

Learn to cope with criticism. If you dare to be different, you’ll have to expect some criticism. Going along with the crowd when you know in your heart that God is leading you in a different direction is one of the reasons women don’t succeed at being themselves. You won’t be comfortable in your own skin if you go against your own convictions.

You are a woman who is perfected and complete in Him. When you start to believe that, you will no longer feel that you are lacking anything or that there is anything wrong with you.

Remember this: God will never anoint you to be anyone other than yourself. Let now be your time to go forward and be set free from the torments of comparing yourself with others and trying to be someone you’re not. God is proud of who He made you to be!

Source: spritualinspiration.tumblr.com ☺

Chosen

Sunday, March 31st 

3:56PM

There's this amazing feeling when someone chooses you...at least that's what they say. 

I actually don't have a first hand experience on being chosen. Well, just a few instances, but not for the things I wanted. I bet it feels absolutely amazing, beyond wonderful.

With all the uncertainties I dealt with people I've been with, it just made me realize something, I want to be someone's first choice. I know it shows a lot of issues on my end, but this is how I address what I want to improve in my life. You see, now I don't tolerate people who treat me as an option, I don't deserve that. I won't even wait for someone who chooses everyone else before me.

I guess this is a part of me dealing with my past and embracing my future. I want to change things in my life I never thought I would. But I want things to get better for me, avoid heartaches (although it's unavoidable), and not to settle because I know that great things are in store for me. 

I want that amazing feeling people get when they get chosen. I want to be someone's first choice. Only choice. 

x

Kevin Spacey on Success

"If you dedicate every breath in your body to achieve then there's nothing you can't achieve." -Kevin Spacey

Very inspiring.

Have a nice day!

x

Here's What I Know...

To write well, you have to write what you know.

Well, here is what I know... I'm someone who is waiting on love, real love. I'm almost 25 years old and I haven't been in a real relationship (which I want to change). I'm also a hopeless romantic, but things are changing, gradually. I think I wrote about this on my other posts, that I'm waiting for God's best. Still am, but it gets challenging at times. My patience is being tested, but no matter how challenging waiting gets, I know that God is still preparing me and the person He designed for me. I truly believe that. On this post I'm going to share most of my realizations over my experiences in the past, present and what I want/hope for my future.

The Past:
I made big mistakes in the past. Looking back, the hopeless romantic part of me really applies on most of the situations I dealt with, but mainly, I was blinded by the things I thought I wanted. I was never in a relationship with anyone, it was all a routine, after 3 months, poof, it's over. And I really use poof because it was like nothing happened. I called myself a douche magnet, because all the guys I've been with were jerks, seriously. I guess it's hard for me to admit this, but I knew this all along, they never really respected me or they were never the person I was supposed to spend my whole life with. But I did fall in love, I did, back in college, it broke me, and it was horrific. I wouldn't give out all the details. So, it was like the moment I put my guard down, this person tore me apart and because of that my walls were built with more protection, but deep down, I still want a happy ending. It was what I would call the most damaging and darkest years of my life, but I learned so much from it. I was just chasing after the wrong this, I was chasing for temporary happiness. It was like one day, I woke up and I decided that I don't want this kind of story for myself, that I deserve far more better than what I'm settling for. So I rebuild my relationship with God and seek for His plan for me.

The Present:
This is the most challenging, because it's always easy to do the wrong thing, but it's so hard to do the right thing. Although, this time, I'm not alone, I have God with me, I'm letting His will be done in my life, I always seek for His guidance, because without it, I'll go all the way back to step 1. That's the last thing I want. And right now, frankly, I'm having a hard time because I'm fighting for what I think I want and waiting. I am praying for it though, and God keeps telling me to wait. And to wait is what I shall do. I always trust God's will, He promises a bright future and I know that it will be worth the wait. I must stay strong and to be disciplined and have a strong conviction on what I'm praying for. Besides, I'm still a work in progress, I need more polishing and improvement in my life. So instead of giving myself away, I want to remain pure for my future husband, that would be the greatest gift I can give him.

The Future:
To the future, here's something to look forward to (that I know God let happen for a reason): You will be the first man who will give me flowers and chocolates. You will be the first man who will take me out on a romantic date (yes, I haven't been on a real date before). You will be the first man that I will introduce to my family (the most important because I want to be with someone who will be able to hang out with my family all the time). You will be the first man that will take me on a romantic get away. You will be the first man who will tuck my hair on my ear before kissing me. You will be my first real kiss. You will be the first man whom I will tell the world that I am with. You will be the first man that I will take care of. You will be the first man that I'll cherish. You will be the first man that I will completely open my heart to and will let all the way in. You will be the first man that I'll get to do all the things I always wanted to do in a relationship with. The list goes on. But, most importantly, you will not only be the first, but the last, my one and only and you are God's best. I can't wait for our future together. And I want you to know that I'm on my way.

I truly believe when God asks you to wait for something, when you get what you're praying for or when He shows you what He has planned for you, it is always worth the wait. And writing this is a reminder for me why I'm waiting in the first place. I just have to constantly remind myself that.

x

CS Lewis: To love at all

The Truth Will Set You Free

I'm not really sure how to start this post. See, I haven't been acknowledging what happened or is still happening in my life since the last week of January.

It was semi-dark at first but this was also God nudging me to go back to Him.

There were days that I'm full of questions I don't know any answers to. Like why I got sick and due to health reasons, had to quit my job, and so on.

While writing this, I'm tearing up because speaking or writing the truth is difficult, but eventually I have to do it. I'm in the process of facing the truth, after it comes acceptance.

The first time I talked to God about what's going on, I was crying and crying (I had my prayer book to guide me first because I was not able to put into words what I seek to the Lord at the time). It was refreshing, very , because I knew that time that God is with me. And as days go by, I still have questions which I seek for God's advice, like will this be the job for me (the company that I'm waiting for), what are the skills He gave me that makes me...well, me. His answer was, for me to wait. And honestly, at the time, I was having a difficulty in obeying on God's command because I was eager to know the answer, and I would also want to start working again.

A few days passed and God is revealing each answer to me. And I know that God also wants me to spend more time with Him. I gladly give time to talk to Him through prayer, read the Bible and read my devotionals.  My devotionals were also very accurate, it's amazing. I read about obedience, truth, the holy spirit, what comes after the storm, and nothing is impossible. And oh, this is what I'm so stoked about sharing, I watched The Bible's premiere episode on History Channel and it was just really amazing, a must watch!

Anyway, my point is..God puts us in certain situations to test our faith. And reading His word and constant communication to Him and trusting His plan will help us fight it. The storm will pass. And each time we are facing struggles, we must remind ourselves our past successes. At some point, we already faced that kind of problem and made it, what makes it much more difficult now, right? And I have an advantage now because my relationship with God is stronger now than before, I just need to trust Him more.

Mmmkay, well that's what I could share so far, my mood suddenly shifted to I-just-want-something-light-to-talk-about kind of mood, haha. I'm still trying to share everything, but one step at a time. :) I'll try to come up with something to write tomorrow. But for now, I must try to get some shut eye.

Good night! x

Nudge

In every struggle, there is a lesson behind it.

Each day, I ask God to speak to me when I reflect or on my quiet time. What I'm learning today is, He is showing me my talents, but I ignore it by saying, I'm intended for something else. Which makes me feel like a fool now because I always forget to take a deeper look in everything. He already revealed my strengths, but I still have an excuse.

There is a reason why God is asking me to wait on everything. And this is for me to learn how to trust Him, to remain faithful and become a person of prayer.

And what I realize now is God uses things to get through me, seeing messages(verses), uses people I converse with, etc. God never fails to touch my heart. He's always nudging me to go on the right way and not be side tracked. I just need to remind myself  that when the enemy attacks me (e.g., to self pity, etc).

It may be difficult now, but it's God's way of telling me I need Him now more than ever.
My God is bigger than any problem and He will never leave me or forsake me. I know He's holding my hand, I trust Him and I love Him.

Have a good week everyone!

x

In Between

Right now, I can hardly describe what I'm feeling. It seems that I'm in between everything...in general.

...after 30 mins:

While writing this, I'm also multitasking and seeing blog posts on my Tumblr account as well. You know, what I realize now is, for every question that I have, God answers them right away in His own way, sometimes, we just need to look hard. In my case, he lets me see them in the things I'm interested to do, like reading, checking out other blogs, etc.

Earlier, I was feeling in between things, but now, I still have questions about why these things are happening in my life, however, I don't fear the results anymore as much as I was almost an hour ago. Thing is, I think and worry too much. And I don't have to worry because I know that God is working on my life, these things happen to make me stronger, to learn more about myself and to appreciate things. I need to believe that I'm capable of making things happen and that God gave me skills to do that, sometimes I'm just too blind to see it. Sometimes, I just tend to overlook things that turns out mean sooo much in my life. Each realization that I have leads to where I'm supposed to be and I won't stop until I get there. I may have to wait a while longer, but it will be worth it, for sure. I'm just simply waiting for God's best.

"If God asks you to wait, He will make sure that the wait will be worth it."

Going to keep this short because I don't have much to say anymore. This I know for sure, I'm blessed and things will work out soon. :)

Bye! x

Dreams/Revelations

It has been five months since I decided to leave all the bad things behind and to focus on my relationship with God. All those months gave a new perspective, major changes (improvements) and most especially, my love for God grew so much, that I won't go through a day without praying and talking/spending time with Him.

I'm becoming the woman I never thought that I dream to be.

Looking back, I've had my fair share of experiences that helped me become the person that I am today. I wouldn't say I regret making those decisions that caused heartbreaks and being seriously broken, because with each of the trials that I faced...and still facing, are God's ways of polishing me and for me to be so much closer to Him. Before, I was looking for the wrong things, I thought I needed to fill a hole in my heart, and I thought that being with someone would give me happiness...but I was completely wrong. It was just temporary happiness, worldly things. Then I realized that it was not what I needed, I was being attacked by the devil and not having a strong faith, I fell for it every single time and I ended up wounded. And if I didn't have a patient sister who never gave up on me, I would never find my way back.

Since I decided to regain my relationship with God, everything was just great! Of course, everyday is a spiritual battle, but I wouldn't trade it for having God in my life. I learned so much, I finally learned to love myself, I showed my family how much they matter to me by spending time with them, going to church with them, communicating more, etc. When I don't spend time with them, I feel as though, I'm missing so much already.

I can't fully explain how happy I am to be where I am right now and how stoked I am to see what God planned for me in the future. See, I wouldn't be here without God's grace and I thank Him each and every day for always holding my hand through all the battles I faced and for being there for the happy times as well.

Yesterday, before sleeping, I read my devotionals and the reading plans I follow on Youversion. The devotionals were talking about dreams or being specific about my future. There were questions that made me reflect, like:
1. What do you want to be be?
2. What do I want to do?
3. What do I want to have?
4. Why do I want it?
My answer surprised me because they were not at all what I wanted before. I wouldn't be specific here, but just to give a hint, it was all about serving God and that dream/plan made me realize that I should start working on it now. Surprisingly, I didn't question myself if I could do it, because at that moment, I knew God is revealing His plans for me and I'm willing to work for it to get to that dream.

What I also realized now is that God is giving me a preview of His plans for me. And I'm definitely looking forward to each moments when God unfolds all His plans for me.

It's just five months and I'm already feeling true happiness, love and appreciation for everything, what more after a year or a few years... I'm still a work in progress and needs polishing.

Well, I need to stay strong for I'll be facing many battles in the future, but no problem is bigger than God, I know I'll get by.

Stay tuned. ;)

x

Prayers

Started the prayer + fasting yesterday, I must say, it's really difficult. But I have not prayed like I have last night. I got to know God better and it feels fantastic!

Lately, been facing a lot of spiritual struggles, but joining this prayer and fasting that we have in my church opens my eyes to the answers and making my heart stronger than ever. See, that's one of my biggest challenges, I feel as though, if a problem comes along, I feel like my heart is not strong enough to handle it, but talking to God and the right people actually helps a lot in making me feel better.

One thing I also realized when I watched the day 1 of the prayer and fasting service at church (online) was when we pray, we need to ask God to examine our hearts and the most important is to know God better as well. If you would notice, when we pray, we always ask God for something, but it wouldn't hurt if we also thank Him for all the things He did for us, to worship Him and to let Him know how much we love Him. Last night, when I prayed, I felt so connected to God because I did not just ask and ask about what I need, I took time to thank Him first and that was the time I realized/felt how blessed I am. Sometimes, despite our struggles, there are still blessings and we should just take a deeper look.

Today, I kept on talking to God and I can't wait to go home to watch the stream of day 2 of the prayer and fasting at church because I'll learn more about the almighty Lord. I'm getting more and more in love with the Lord and that is the place where I want to be.

According to Pastor Peter from last Sunday service: Talk less, pray more. :)