I think I made the wrong decision by asking him about what he felt about me two weeks ago. I should have waited, but instead, I followed what my office friends told me to do, which is pretty much the most idiotic thing I've done.
I knew that it was the wrong thing, that's why I was pretty much hesitant the whole time they were texting him. My mind was clouded with so many thoughts, that I thought it was a good idea at the time, because when I talked to my office friends, I was pretty much convinced to do it to get it over with, to find the answer I was looking for.
Now, I know it was wrong, I guess a part of me glad it happened because I know how he feels about me, but at the same time I feel guilty because I felt like I pushed him too far. Basically, just pushed him away. Although, this gave me more clarity about what I truly wanted. I'm not going to hate guys just because this keeps on happening, however, what I truly needed is to love myself first before I could be with anybody and second, I need to embrace being single before I get into a relationship. I wouldn't want to get myself into a situation where in I won't be able to handle or when things get tough, I'll run away from it.
I wanted to be the best that I could be before I get myself into this. Remember, green light? If it would be the right thing for me all along, there should be green lights, no red lights.
Here's a line from How I Met Your Mother that I really liked, this is when Ted told Barney: "
We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets."
