On My Way - Part 2

Screenshot from the music video On My Way by Boyce Avenue. :)

I cannot stress enough how much I like this song. One of my favorites now.

Law of attraction. That's what I'm doing and at the same time, I'm trying to be the best person I could be in order to have a wonderful future ahead with my future partner.

I just fell in love with that part of the music video, that's why I took a screen shot of it and copied it on my lappy. I also made it my cover photo on Facebook which is kind of ridiculous, however, I don't mind what will other think...at all!

Anyway, I think I'll keep this post short. Goodnight!

New Favorite Music

Mmkay, so recently, I started listening to Ed Sheeran and his music is just awesome! ;)  Just the feel good songs I love listening to. ♥ my favorites are Lego House and Kiss Me :)

On My Way

When I listened to this song, I was like, "Oh my, this is the song for my future partner or this could be my future partner's song for me!" ♥

Should've Waited

I think I made the wrong decision by asking him about what he felt about me two weeks ago. I should have waited, but instead, I followed what my office friends told me to do, which is pretty much the most idiotic thing I've done.

I knew that it was the wrong thing, that's why I was pretty much hesitant the whole time they were texting him. My mind was clouded with so many thoughts, that I thought it was a good idea at the time, because when I talked to my office friends, I was pretty much convinced to do it to get it over with, to find the answer I was looking for.

Now, I know it was wrong, I guess a part of me glad it happened because I know how he feels about me, but at the same time I feel guilty because I felt like I pushed him too far. Basically, just pushed him away. Although, this gave me more clarity about what I truly wanted. I'm not going to hate guys just because this keeps on happening, however, what I truly needed is to love myself first before I could be with anybody and second, I need to embrace being single before I get into a relationship. I wouldn't want to get myself into a situation where in I won't be able to handle or when things get tough, I'll run away from it.

I wanted to be the best that I could be before I get myself into this. Remember, green light? If it would be the right thing for me all along, there should be green lights, no red lights.

Here's a line from How I Met Your Mother that I really liked, this is when Ted told Barney: "We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets."

Re-post: “I was asking God “you know, he was such an okay guy...

“I was asking God “you know, he was such an okay guy. Nice, smart, genuinely good. Why didn’t you think he was good enough?” and God said: “because he didn’t love you.” And that really hurt at first but I know at the heart of all that, God’s greatest desire for me is to love and be loved by a man who loves God more than he loves me. That is the only kind of man who could love me right and who would actually willingly lay down his life for me the way Christ did. It’s a powerful promise. And now I understand why it hurts God when we settle. He wants more for us than we believe we could ever deserve.” -Isa Garcia

Source:
http://followandreblog.tumblr.com/post/11521860362/i-was-asking-god-you-know-he-was-such-an-okay

Green Light

Last Friday, I've come into making a decision that's not only heartbreaking, but also difficult to face, until now, I feel like I'm still sulking about it.

Come Sunday, I was talking to my sister, I asked her which should I follow or consider right: if my heart feels it's the right thing to do or when my head is telling me it's the right thing to do?

She told me that thing is, even if we feel like it's our head/heart is telling us it's right, or even if they collide on a certain decision you're about to make, what matters is, if it is God's plan for you. She gave me an example that when it is God's plan for you, you'll only see green lights along the way, but if you see one red light/sign, you should stop. And if you keep on going, it means that you are fighting God's plan for you.

Then, right at that moment, it made me thought about my decision, what made me decide that. However, if it is the right thing for you to begin with, you won't have to be baffled/conflicted about it, you don't need to ask signs to see if you should continue or not, it's the Go, Stop, Slow Down signs that should guide you.

And my sister said that the what ifs are the work of the devil, because it keeps you from going on to the road that God wants you to take.

So now, I pray to see clearly, if I should go or stop, I won't get blinded by what I feel. I won't make excuses for the other person, most especially, I will take a stand for myself when much needed, once you see that a person doesn't have convictions, doesn't have the guts to decide for himself, when he doesn't know when to stop, I guess that was enough proof for me that I should steer clear from him. I've got nothing to lose here. I should stop and move forward.

Worth

...Cat: But if he loved her so much, why did she push him away?
Vincent: She didn't feel worthy.
Cat: How can you be so sure?
Vincent: Cause I know what it feels like.

I was watching the recent episode of Beauty and the Beast series and this particular scene just made me feel like, oh yes, of course, I can relate.

I apologize ahead of time if this post would not seem so positive, I've been glass half empty for the past 10 days. See, before I watched this, I also wrote something on my YM status, I said: "How to make this right? Maybe I don't deserve it." I was implying about him...L. The last time I talked to him was 10 days ago, trying to fix what I think I'm breaking. I feel like I keep on pushing him away because of my own selfish concerns...not enough effort, I don't know if he's really into me or maybe he's like this to everyone, and so on. But what I fear most is, maybe I'm not worthy of him, I guess. I mean, why doubt myself now..but I think it's because I'm trying to be a better person, I'm being tested more often than not. I feel that I'm not worthy because I'm still not the person I want myself to be...I'm still a work in progress, and I know with God's grace, I just need a few more polishing and I'm all set.

However, no matter how many times I say I'll stay away, I keep on coming back.

I don't know if this was a sign, but like I said, 10 days post L doesn't do me any good, but I'm REALLY trying. So, I had to work today (I hate working on a Saturday), when I was on my way home, I was walking with my teammate outside this mall, almost at the stop to get a ride, then, I saw this familiar face, it was the guy I used to have like a crush on at my previous office, take this, he's L's friend (there's a story for this, to keep it short, on their account many girls like them, I like this guy, and my friends like L, but turns out, the guy I like and I have the same last name, so I ended up liking no one. LOL!). Then he looked at me, like he also saw a familiar face, right at that moment, I thought about L right away and I left him a message, but somehow, I feel like he's slipping away (jeez, I hope not).

Now, I don't know what to do, I really feel good talking to him, what I failed to realize was, I'm always waiting around for him to show up (by that I mean send me a message or whatever since he's far). I know I need to wait to see and pray to see where is this leading to and I know I'm not really used to taking things slow, but this time, I'm taking a chance, I'm going to try to do my very best to wait and be patient enough to take things slow.

Slowly but surely. And you know what they say, "If it's easy, they'll move on."

I just have to be thankful that he came to my life on an impeccable timing. I just need to open my eyes and stop over-thinking. I'm still hoping for the best and I won't be scared anymore. Haha!

Well now, I better continue with my series marathon, my way to release stress.

Au revoir!

Re-post

Earlier, my sister sent me this...and I must say that it's really inspiring for me. As what I replied to her, "swak na swak sakin!" Haha!

BEAUTIFICATION

By Nova Arias-Sevilla

“Are you single by choice?”

I got that question a lot — and I mean a LOT. Usually I would reply with a “yes” if only to end that topic of conversation, but after years of being asked that, I resolved to give an honest reply to humor the asker… and me: “I’m single by fate.”

Like any hopeless romantic, I dreamed that my love life would be a fairy tale. That’s why it was such a horror to see my adult life unfolding before me as a nightmare. I wish I could share the details of my unfortunate love life here, but trust me when I say they were sordid. One broken heart after another made me lose interest in dating. Waste of time, I thought. Worse, I almost believed that no one would take me seriously. I was always the dumpee, you see. And so I worked like a horse to be productive and keep my mind preoccupied. At the end of each day, though, I was drowning in misery and insecurity. I lived like this for more than 10 years.

One day my best friend lent to me an audio CD. She told me it was a live recording of Neale Donald Walsch’s talk when the bestselling American author of Conversations with God visited Manila. I haven’t read any of his books, and I was aware that the Catholic Church advises Catholics to be discerning about literature of this kind, but I listened to the CD upon my best friend’s insistence that the talk would lift me up.

“Do not seek the one,” Mr. Walsch advised the lady who asked him how she could find Mr. Right. “Instead, be the one you would like to find…. And when you’ve become the most beautiful person you could ever be, the one who is right for you will find you.” Wham! He’s right… I need to find myself again, to love myself again…

In the process of resurrecting and beautifying me, I learned to enjoy being single. I was free to do things that I wanted to do: I went out with my barkada (friends) any time at any day, I went on out-of-town trips with my church choir, I pampered myself with weekly trips to the spa, and I spent quality time with my family, to name a few. I also learned to appreciate myself and see me for who I really am. Amidst all these, God revealed His glory to me through the people that surrounded me at work. He became my new best friend who kept me company in my alone time, so much so that I found myself telling Him that if He alone truly suffices, then teach me to embrace singlehood if that was His will for me. Oh, it hurt to give up my deepest longing to get married and have kids, especially that I was approaching the big 4-0, but my heart told me it was time to let go and let God. I served God through my work at SVP, through my church service, and I welcomed doing other apostolic work.

Three months after I turned 39, God gave me the biggest surprise. I got reacquainted with my childhood sweetheart on Facebook, and little did we both know that we would end up together as husband and wife. We have been married for two months now. The most bizarre thing was that we led similar lives and suffered the same heartaches through the years, almost at the same period of time. Maybe now I can say that I’m married by fate, tee-hee.

I see now that God must’ve wanted me to fix myself first so that I could be the person He created me to be. For how could I be fit for marriage when I was filled with insecurities? How could I be an encouraging partner when I felt worthless? How could I make my husband happy when I was unhappy with myself?

My biggest learning: No other person can complete me. I needed to work on myself, to discover my full potential, to be the one I wanted to find, so that I could be found. I needed to be complete so that I can wholly love another. And it was God’s presence in my life that helped me to become whole again. Truly, He suffices.

Starting Fresh

Today, I've decided that I'm going to make this blog what I want it to be. It will reflect on who I am now, different...better.

I'm going to write or re-blog all positive things I think or read. I noticed that all I wrote before are just negative. All I do was to whine and that's the reason why the same things keep on happening over and over again. And I refuse to settle for that feeling.

By the time I made a decision that I won't go through what I went through over the past, I started to become happy and peaceful. The things I thought matters most, just seems like non-sense now, my vices, the unnecessary night out with the people who I thought are my friends, etc.
I learned to lean on God, among other things. I pray to become the woman God planned me to be. It has been two months since I made that decision and I never looked back. I learned so much from my past and I acknowledge all my mistakes, I promised myself I wouldn't go back to that...ever again, I wouldn't even want to feel that way again.

On my birthday (29 September), it was a month after I decided to move forward and leave it all to God, to let His plans for me take place. That time, I was talking to my sister, and she told me how proud she was that I'm a totally different person than what she witnessed a month prior to my birthday. I told her that I felt so much better, I feel complete (rebuilding my relationship with God and my family), it's heart-warmingly good, that I'm crying because I feel truly happy. I realized that I was chasing after the wrong things and I make decisions based on my emotions...most of the time, while what I needed after all is to trust God, to trust that He has bigger plan for me than what I have for myself. My sister said, if you feel happy now, what more after a year, or two, or in the future. I should be more excited about what's going to be in store for me after a year. I'm really looking forward to see what God planned for me.

I'm still a work in progress and I know that the challenges will not stop here. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues, but I know that I'm so much stronger now and I know I could face all those weaknesses. I take it one day at a time.

In the future, I'll be posting about what I'm learning. I hope I could be an inspiration to some people, for them to know that you can always turn things around and we always have God who saves us each and every time. It's never too late.

Calculated Risk

So, I posted something on my Tumblr acct that says: Your biggest risk will be the one you don't take.
Then, my sister told me, hey, I saw your post on Tumblr, do you know about calculated risk?
My mind was buffering...what an idiot, I thought of myself (sorry, been like this for a few weeks now, so please bear with me), then I said, no, no I don't. So she said, google it. And I did.

Definition:
Calculated Risk
noun
- A chance of failure, the probability of which is estimated before some action is undertaken.

Then, my sister told me (not the exact words, but to my understanding), there's nothing wrong in being a risk taker, but you must also need to weigh things before acting upon it.

And yes, I do agree.
The thing is, I'd like to take risks, its just that, with every decision I have to make, I calculate the risk over and over again, and concluding after that I'm going to fail at it, ending up taking a step backwards.

I don't know why I have always been afraid, was it because the wrong choices I made in the past? I don't know. Maybe because for once, I want to make things right. I feel like I screw things up more often than not.

Well, just gonna keep this short, need to prepare to meet my high school friends tonight.