BEAUTIFICATION
By Nova Arias-Sevilla
“Are you single by choice?”
I got that question a lot — and I mean a LOT. Usually I would reply with a “yes” if only to end that topic of conversation, but after years of being asked that, I resolved to give an honest reply to humor the asker… and me: “I’m single by fate.”
Like any hopeless romantic, I dreamed that my love life would be a fairy tale. That’s why it was such a horror to see my adult life unfolding before me as a nightmare. I wish I could share the details of my unfortunate love life here, but trust me when I say they were sordid. One broken heart after another made me lose interest in dating. Waste of time, I thought. Worse, I almost believed that no one would take me seriously. I was always the dumpee, you see. And so I worked like a horse to be productive and keep my mind preoccupied. At the end of each day, though, I was drowning in misery and insecurity. I lived like this for more than 10 years.
One day my best friend lent to me an audio CD. She told me it was a live recording of Neale Donald Walsch’s talk when the bestselling American author of Conversations with God visited Manila. I haven’t read any of his books, and I was aware that the Catholic Church advises Catholics to be discerning about literature of this kind, but I listened to the CD upon my best friend’s insistence that the talk would lift me up.
“Do not seek the one,” Mr. Walsch advised the lady who asked him how she could find Mr. Right. “Instead, be the one you would like to find…. And when you’ve become the most beautiful person you could ever be, the one who is right for you will find you.” Wham! He’s right… I need to find myself again, to love myself again…
In the process of resurrecting and beautifying me, I learned to enjoy being single. I was free to do things that I wanted to do: I went out with my barkada (friends) any time at any day, I went on out-of-town trips with my church choir, I pampered myself with weekly trips to the spa, and I spent quality time with my family, to name a few. I also learned to appreciate myself and see me for who I really am. Amidst all these, God revealed His glory to me through the people that surrounded me at work. He became my new best friend who kept me company in my alone time, so much so that I found myself telling Him that if He alone truly suffices, then teach me to embrace singlehood if that was His will for me. Oh, it hurt to give up my deepest longing to get married and have kids, especially that I was approaching the big 4-0, but my heart told me it was time to let go and let God. I served God through my work at SVP, through my church service, and I welcomed doing other apostolic work.
Three months after I turned 39, God gave me the biggest surprise. I got reacquainted with my childhood sweetheart on Facebook, and little did we both know that we would end up together as husband and wife. We have been married for two months now. The most bizarre thing was that we led similar lives and suffered the same heartaches through the years, almost at the same period of time. Maybe now I can say that I’m married by fate, tee-hee.
I see now that God must’ve wanted me to fix myself first so that I could be the person He created me to be. For how could I be fit for marriage when I was filled with insecurities? How could I be an encouraging partner when I felt worthless? How could I make my husband happy when I was unhappy with myself?
My biggest learning: No other person can complete me. I needed to work on myself, to discover my full potential, to be the one I wanted to find, so that I could be found. I needed to be complete so that I can wholly love another. And it was God’s presence in my life that helped me to become whole again. Truly, He suffices.
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