Re-post: “I was asking God “you know, he was such an okay guy...

“I was asking God “you know, he was such an okay guy. Nice, smart, genuinely good. Why didn’t you think he was good enough?” and God said: “because he didn’t love you.” And that really hurt at first but I know at the heart of all that, God’s greatest desire for me is to love and be loved by a man who loves God more than he loves me. That is the only kind of man who could love me right and who would actually willingly lay down his life for me the way Christ did. It’s a powerful promise. And now I understand why it hurts God when we settle. He wants more for us than we believe we could ever deserve.” -Isa Garcia

Source:
http://followandreblog.tumblr.com/post/11521860362/i-was-asking-god-you-know-he-was-such-an-okay

Green Light

Last Friday, I've come into making a decision that's not only heartbreaking, but also difficult to face, until now, I feel like I'm still sulking about it.

Come Sunday, I was talking to my sister, I asked her which should I follow or consider right: if my heart feels it's the right thing to do or when my head is telling me it's the right thing to do?

She told me that thing is, even if we feel like it's our head/heart is telling us it's right, or even if they collide on a certain decision you're about to make, what matters is, if it is God's plan for you. She gave me an example that when it is God's plan for you, you'll only see green lights along the way, but if you see one red light/sign, you should stop. And if you keep on going, it means that you are fighting God's plan for you.

Then, right at that moment, it made me thought about my decision, what made me decide that. However, if it is the right thing for you to begin with, you won't have to be baffled/conflicted about it, you don't need to ask signs to see if you should continue or not, it's the Go, Stop, Slow Down signs that should guide you.

And my sister said that the what ifs are the work of the devil, because it keeps you from going on to the road that God wants you to take.

So now, I pray to see clearly, if I should go or stop, I won't get blinded by what I feel. I won't make excuses for the other person, most especially, I will take a stand for myself when much needed, once you see that a person doesn't have convictions, doesn't have the guts to decide for himself, when he doesn't know when to stop, I guess that was enough proof for me that I should steer clear from him. I've got nothing to lose here. I should stop and move forward.

Worth

...Cat: But if he loved her so much, why did she push him away?
Vincent: She didn't feel worthy.
Cat: How can you be so sure?
Vincent: Cause I know what it feels like.

I was watching the recent episode of Beauty and the Beast series and this particular scene just made me feel like, oh yes, of course, I can relate.

I apologize ahead of time if this post would not seem so positive, I've been glass half empty for the past 10 days. See, before I watched this, I also wrote something on my YM status, I said: "How to make this right? Maybe I don't deserve it." I was implying about him...L. The last time I talked to him was 10 days ago, trying to fix what I think I'm breaking. I feel like I keep on pushing him away because of my own selfish concerns...not enough effort, I don't know if he's really into me or maybe he's like this to everyone, and so on. But what I fear most is, maybe I'm not worthy of him, I guess. I mean, why doubt myself now..but I think it's because I'm trying to be a better person, I'm being tested more often than not. I feel that I'm not worthy because I'm still not the person I want myself to be...I'm still a work in progress, and I know with God's grace, I just need a few more polishing and I'm all set.

However, no matter how many times I say I'll stay away, I keep on coming back.

I don't know if this was a sign, but like I said, 10 days post L doesn't do me any good, but I'm REALLY trying. So, I had to work today (I hate working on a Saturday), when I was on my way home, I was walking with my teammate outside this mall, almost at the stop to get a ride, then, I saw this familiar face, it was the guy I used to have like a crush on at my previous office, take this, he's L's friend (there's a story for this, to keep it short, on their account many girls like them, I like this guy, and my friends like L, but turns out, the guy I like and I have the same last name, so I ended up liking no one. LOL!). Then he looked at me, like he also saw a familiar face, right at that moment, I thought about L right away and I left him a message, but somehow, I feel like he's slipping away (jeez, I hope not).

Now, I don't know what to do, I really feel good talking to him, what I failed to realize was, I'm always waiting around for him to show up (by that I mean send me a message or whatever since he's far). I know I need to wait to see and pray to see where is this leading to and I know I'm not really used to taking things slow, but this time, I'm taking a chance, I'm going to try to do my very best to wait and be patient enough to take things slow.

Slowly but surely. And you know what they say, "If it's easy, they'll move on."

I just have to be thankful that he came to my life on an impeccable timing. I just need to open my eyes and stop over-thinking. I'm still hoping for the best and I won't be scared anymore. Haha!

Well now, I better continue with my series marathon, my way to release stress.

Au revoir!