While reading my last post and I can't help but laugh a little. I guess I remember having all these questions in my head that I'm continually praying for. And having an amazing God, He keeps on answering all these questions and I always feel enlightened because I'm learning so much each day. That made me feel very secure that no matter what happens, I know that I have God by my side and He will not leave me.
Let me lay down the things I realised/learned for the past months:
1. Love and See Yourself the Way God Loves and Sees You
I read that you should love yourself first before loving someone else. I agreed as I believe that you won't find happiness in someone else not until you're happy with yourself first. But what I failed to realise was I can't love myself if I don't see myself in God's eyes. You see, word's of affirmation help (a lot), however, it's very different if you know how much God loves you and how much he values you.
During my biblical foundation at church, I truly understood God's love when He sacrificed His son's life for us. I don't have children yet, but I know it must have been the most difficult decision one has to make, but because He loves us, He did it. I tear up every time I think about it because that's true love.
For a very long time, I had a hole in my heart & thought I'm just broken, beyond repair. But knowing what God did for us filled that hole with so much love, joy, security and peace. God saved me.
From a person who longs for someone to love and save her (sounds yucky, but it was true), I found everything that I've been looking for in God and in Jesus..that is enough for me and the rest is a bonus! :)
Again, knowing how God loves us let me see myself in His eyes. That keeps me stronger to fight the battle on improving myself.
2. Trust & Obey God - Surrender Your Life to Him
-For me, this didn't come easily at all because I'd always like to take control of the situation (as all of us do). I want to make sure that I solve my problems, but what I failed to realise again was that I'm doing things my way, not God's way.
I was afraid to trust because I always end up disappointed and hurt. But knowing God is different, trusting Him wasn't as challenging as I thought it would be because I hold on to His promises. What gave me confidence and courage to trust Him is knowing that He is unchanging. He's not as fickle as we are. God keeps His promises to us, He proved that many times.
The challenge that I faced trusting Him was at times that I still try to take control. But the moment I stopped being stubborn and let Him take over was the day I felt at ease. No worries.
-Obeying is very challenging for me as well. At the moment, this is one of my biggest struggles. This is also testing me on whether I trust Him or not.
I'm currently facing things that I kept deep in my heart (that I thought I've forgotten and would never haunt me again), those were the things that I've never addressed in my past because I kept running away from it. It was difficult realising that I'm facing the same thing and it infuriated me because I didn't do anything and poof, here we go again.
It was easier to act the way I did, because it's the easy way out. But God told me to follow Him, solve it His way. On my devotional a few days ago, it says that:
"You can spend your entire life dealing with outward symptoms, but the bad fruit will manifest somewhere else if the root is not eliminated. The principle never fails: rotten fruit comes from rotten roots, and good fruit comes from good roots.
To really deal with bad fruit, you must follow Paul's admonition to the Colossians to be "deeply planted" in God.
You may need to carefully examine your own roots. If they were unpleasant, harmful or abusive, don't be discouraged; you can be uprooted from that bad soil and transplanted into the good soil of Christ Jesus, so that you become rooted and grounded in Him and in His love.
Remember, uprooting can be painful. Being replanted and becoming rooted and grounded is a process that requires time and effort, but it is by faith and patience that we inherit God's promises." (from Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life - a Daily Devotional)
It's still very painful to deal with it, but I know that I can get through it because God is with me. He assures me everyday that He's with me. It may be difficult to do things the right way this time, but the moment you think of quitting & during the hardest times, your breakthrough is just around the corner.
This made me see how God is working on my life and I obey Him and do as He says for I know that He loves me and He has planned how my life would go, I trust Him.
Let me end this part with a message from last Sunday's service at CCF: "Agreeing with God is doing what He asks when it is convenient. Obedience is doing what He asks us even when it is not convenient, because you know it is His will."
3. Prioritise God and Serve Him
-Making God as my #1 priority was a bit challenging at first because either I'm late for work, I'm busy working, etc and ending up putting God last. But that wasn't good enough, He doesn't deserve that.
During one of dgroup (discipleship group) discussions, Joanna (my dgroup leader) told us that she gets up in the morning and read God's word first before doing anything else and her day becomes smooth sailing. Then I tried it and I must agree, I told her how my day is always good, I don't get easily annoyed or not really surprised if anything unexpected would happen. I also compared it to how my day goes if I don't meditate on His word in the morning, I'm grouchy and I don't have this positive attitude that no matter what happens, this day will be awesome.
God's word is our guide. I now practice making Him top priority by making sure I spend time with Him from the moment I wake up every morning.
When it comes to serving Him, it is my goal this year to join a ministry that is in line to my God given skills..which I'm still trying to figure out at the moment with the help of my ever amazing dgroup leader. :)
4. Be God's Best
-I used to say that I'm waiting for His best, but I forgot to check on myself, then I asked, "Wait, am I the best for God's best for me?". In the series on learning about God's best, I learned that I should also check my character first before meeting His best.
I remember my sister telling me this on of our discussions last year. And this year, God told me to also re-assess myself and see the areas of improvement. Of course, there's A LOT..haha, kidding! ;) I'm currently working on all those areas with an open mind and heart (because sometimes I don't really see what's wrong, so I need people who I trust most, like my sister, to tell me if there are things I need to work on).
My ultimate goal is to become a Proverbs 31 woman, which I know that God is preparing me to be. It is something that I take really seriously.
Furthermore, right now, I'm also just embracing & enjoying single-hood (not the word I dread to hear anymore), spending time with God and trying/being God's best.
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It wasn't easy getting to where I am now and I've got so much to learn. But I am proud of the woman that I've become because of God. I know that there are still struggles along the way, but I will remain strong and let God lead the way. I am also confident that my breakthrough is just around the corner. I will not give up now. ;)
*I hope you enjoy reading this entry as much as I enjoyed sharing what I've learned so far. I hope I get the urge to write about my experiences more often. :)
