Here's What I Know...

To write well, you have to write what you know.

Well, here is what I know... I'm someone who is waiting on love, real love. I'm almost 25 years old and I haven't been in a real relationship (which I want to change). I'm also a hopeless romantic, but things are changing, gradually. I think I wrote about this on my other posts, that I'm waiting for God's best. Still am, but it gets challenging at times. My patience is being tested, but no matter how challenging waiting gets, I know that God is still preparing me and the person He designed for me. I truly believe that. On this post I'm going to share most of my realizations over my experiences in the past, present and what I want/hope for my future.

The Past:
I made big mistakes in the past. Looking back, the hopeless romantic part of me really applies on most of the situations I dealt with, but mainly, I was blinded by the things I thought I wanted. I was never in a relationship with anyone, it was all a routine, after 3 months, poof, it's over. And I really use poof because it was like nothing happened. I called myself a douche magnet, because all the guys I've been with were jerks, seriously. I guess it's hard for me to admit this, but I knew this all along, they never really respected me or they were never the person I was supposed to spend my whole life with. But I did fall in love, I did, back in college, it broke me, and it was horrific. I wouldn't give out all the details. So, it was like the moment I put my guard down, this person tore me apart and because of that my walls were built with more protection, but deep down, I still want a happy ending. It was what I would call the most damaging and darkest years of my life, but I learned so much from it. I was just chasing after the wrong this, I was chasing for temporary happiness. It was like one day, I woke up and I decided that I don't want this kind of story for myself, that I deserve far more better than what I'm settling for. So I rebuild my relationship with God and seek for His plan for me.

The Present:
This is the most challenging, because it's always easy to do the wrong thing, but it's so hard to do the right thing. Although, this time, I'm not alone, I have God with me, I'm letting His will be done in my life, I always seek for His guidance, because without it, I'll go all the way back to step 1. That's the last thing I want. And right now, frankly, I'm having a hard time because I'm fighting for what I think I want and waiting. I am praying for it though, and God keeps telling me to wait. And to wait is what I shall do. I always trust God's will, He promises a bright future and I know that it will be worth the wait. I must stay strong and to be disciplined and have a strong conviction on what I'm praying for. Besides, I'm still a work in progress, I need more polishing and improvement in my life. So instead of giving myself away, I want to remain pure for my future husband, that would be the greatest gift I can give him.

The Future:
To the future, here's something to look forward to (that I know God let happen for a reason): You will be the first man who will give me flowers and chocolates. You will be the first man who will take me out on a romantic date (yes, I haven't been on a real date before). You will be the first man that I will introduce to my family (the most important because I want to be with someone who will be able to hang out with my family all the time). You will be the first man that will take me on a romantic get away. You will be the first man who will tuck my hair on my ear before kissing me. You will be my first real kiss. You will be the first man whom I will tell the world that I am with. You will be the first man that I will take care of. You will be the first man that I'll cherish. You will be the first man that I will completely open my heart to and will let all the way in. You will be the first man that I'll get to do all the things I always wanted to do in a relationship with. The list goes on. But, most importantly, you will not only be the first, but the last, my one and only and you are God's best. I can't wait for our future together. And I want you to know that I'm on my way.

I truly believe when God asks you to wait for something, when you get what you're praying for or when He shows you what He has planned for you, it is always worth the wait. And writing this is a reminder for me why I'm waiting in the first place. I just have to constantly remind myself that.

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