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Today, I feel alone more than ever. When I look at everyone, it seems like things are actually happening in their lives whereas mine is slowing down. Now, Everybody's Changing by Keane is playing in my head, feeling like a show or something. I'm soooo weird.

I don't want to be alone anymore. :'(

There's a lot where my sadness is coming from and not just about the matters of the heart. I've been dealing with this for a few weeks now. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I guess I don't need to really tell the story about that, let's just say, my favorite person in the whoooole world is moving to another country...and that's my sister. That being said, it just feels like...no words (can describe how I feel). I just started crying like I've never cried before while typing this (it actually helped a lot because I got to release what I'm feeling). I think my emotions are just pushing me to the edge. If you ask me, I REALLY don't want to feel anything...AT ALL. I want to numb myself and to clear my head from anything that would lead to realizing that I'm alone.

I may seem discouraged now but I still believe and I'm not going to give up. Who knows, I'm just a few days, weeks or months away from meeting the man I'm going to love for the rest of my days and beyond. But for now, I'm done looking, I'm done confusing myself that every guy I feel attracted to is possibly the right one.

Before I started writing, I watched this video, it is a testimony about meeting the right person. You know what, I was reminded of what I would keep telling myself (but eventually grew tired of it). I always tell myself (pretty much most of what I write in my blog as well) that when I meet the right person for me, I'll know. I don't know how to describe it, but it would be like a discernment or a certainty that I'll be spending the rest of my days with this person. When I meet that person, I will not hold back, I will not give in to my fears, and I won't let that person go.

Oh man, I really don't have a clue why I feel like this for days now. I can't wait for my breakthrough. I really don't want to feel like this anymore. Well, that pretty much sums it up. Although, I don't really feel like going into details about my emotions and I'm sure I didn't make any sense at all with this post. I just need an outlet because my heart couldn't handle this anymore.

Mmkay, whoever gets to read this, bear with me. I really hope I could write something upbeat soon. Keeping my fingers crossed on that, believe me, I'd rather share how happy I am than sad. Time for some shut eye. Goodnight! x

Procrastination

Lately, I've been drifting away from the most important thing I need to everyday..and that is my devotional and my time with God. Whatever reason I have for not doing it is just a flimsy excuse, I know. Not doing it makes me feel guilty and emptier than ever.

What a huge difference it makes just a day not spending time or giving it to God. What more can a week or more?

My actions reflects me, however, I'm not showing how Nicole really is. I'm not giving my 100% at work as I should, I'm easily swayed, I don't speak life giving words, and I just settling for mediocrity. What I'm doing now was not what I promised myself to do. I should always be on my best, not settling for less.

Admitting these things is extremely hard for me and I'm disappointed. Here comes the water works. :,(
I need to follow through, I need to finish what I started.

My devotional today really answered most of my questions:
(from Rick Warren's Daily Devotional)
Day 117:


Why Do I Procrastinate?

The Bible says you procrastinate for one of five reasons.

Indecision. "A double minded man is unstable in all he does." (James 1:8 LB) Indecision causes you to postpone buying a car, choosing a college, getting married, buying new clothes, changing a job.

Perfectionism. "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done!" (Ecclesiastes 11:4 LB) If you wait for things to be perfect, you're going to wait a long time.

Fear. "The fear of man is a trap." (Proverbs 29:25 LB) Have you been postponing going to the dentist? Or getting into marriage counseling? Ask yourself, "What am I afraid of?"

Anger. "A lazy person is as bad as someone who is destructive." (Proverbs 18:9 GNT) Procrastination is passive resistance. I don't want to do it because I don't like you telling me to do what I have to do. Anger causes us to put things off.

Laziness. "Lazy people want much but get little, while the diligent are prospering." (Proverbs 13:4 LB) One of the most popular words in America is "easy." If it's easy, we like it. If it's hard, we don't like it.

The next time you find yourself procrastinating, stop and ask yourself why. Then ask God to help you overcome it so you can move forward and do what you need to do.

-- I strongly agree. I'm indecisive, I wait for the perfect moments (which keeps on passing me by because I fail to take a deeper look). I fear rejection, failure, disappointment, and I fear that I'm not good enough. I'm putting things on hold because of all those things.

Writing all these things I need to improve on is really difficult, it's making me cry like a baby. But acknowledging the fact that I need to change shows strength, I suppose. The Holy Spirit is nudging me to act on it and I'm thankful. No more procrastinating, Nicole. It's time to move and show what you can offer. It's now or never.

I'm not going to let the enemy defeat me, I've come so far to give up now. And I know that the moment you're tempted to give up, you must fight harder because your breakthrough is near. God is bigger than any problems or worries that I have, He can move mountains and I know I'm not alone, He is with me all the way.



I'm glad to finally have the words to express what I've been feeling for the past 2 weeks or so. Now, time to get some shut eye. Goodnight! x

Patience

Today is the first day of my new work and I couldn't be happier. I felt that it's really a good place for me to work and I finally found the right place for me.

I'm very thankful that God gave me this job. I prayed for it so many times and I waited for this job. And the feeling of finally stepping in to the office makes me like...WOW. I mostly don't have words for what I feel. Mostly feel like this is the feeling you get when you finally have what you waited and prayed for.

When you try to relate it to any aspect of your life, it truly means so much, getting to experience it on a different way. Like for instance, waiting for God's best. At times, I can get a little discouraged or hasty to find an answer on who is the one for me. But God is giving me answers gradually while I wait. It's very important to always seek God because He never fails to give you answers. I just need to be patient enough to wait because God promises a bright future and to give us His best. I declare victory in the future. :)

Mmkay, I need to get some shut eye, early start tomorrow.

Goodnight! x

This is how you lose her.

Boom! Just hit me. REPOST.

Source: http://thunderpopcola.tumblr.com/ (love her blog)

This is how you lose her. 

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

Change

They say that the only constant thing in life is change...that's true. In fact, it's also inevitable. And most people are afraid of it. I, for one, was one of those people. But trusting God's plan for us gives me the confidence to face the fears of change.

For The Better

I found this photo in spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com whom I follow. I wanted to share it because I can relate to it.

For a girl, it wasn't too easy to admit this, but growing up, I was really exposed to the "material world" wherein it was really difficult to say no to temptation. I learned smoking and drinking very young(one of my vices), now quitting wasn't easy, it was not even an option to me before.

Here comes asking God to lead the way for me, things changed bit by bit. Starting over was REALLY hard! Even now, I'm still having a lot of struggles, however, in times of adversity, it became like a reflex to turn to God right away. Anyway, going back, I decided to quit smoking last September. It was so difficult in the beginning because I was really craving for it. It was a routine for me to smoke during my breaks and after lunch, it was also what I do when I'm stressed out, but it did not give me the satisfaction of making myself feel entirely better. Also with drinking, when I was going through a heartbreak, that was the best solution for me, I go home late at night, drunk, feeling emptier than ever, the next day, go through the same thing. Those became a habit that I didn't realize was trying to kill me inside one day at a time.

Aside from my jump-start on quitting those vices, the best solution I had in mind is to rid myself from hanging out with my "drinking buddies". You become the people you surround yourself with, so that time, I was only hanging out with a few friends at work, who only wants to dine out or go to coffee shops to hang out, well more like my thing because I love conversing and drink coffee/milk tea/tea. Lol! And of course, most of them are goal oriented, kind and just amazing people.

I was not able to see the gravity of the situation before, all I knew was those were the darkest days of my life because everything was vague, all for temporary happiness. But nothing beats wanting to change your life for the better and having God take control of your life. Before, those were the things I want to do, but now, I do things to please God, and no one else.

Dealing with the past is something that is a challenge for me, but this is the way to face my future without turning back. I'll be writing more about that soon.

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It's weird, because I've been getting these inspiration on just expressing my feelings, writing and just sharing parts of me to everyone. Whoever reads this, I hope that my experiences and the things I learned out of those situations will also help you, it may not be in the same scenario, but in any aspect of your life.

I'm sharing my experiences so you all will see how I was able to overcome it, with the help of the Lord and His grace and mercy. :) I want everyone to know that I could not do this alone, I have God by my side, and he did not leave me nor forsake me.

Follow me on Tumblr: nicoleaquino.tumblr.com :)

Goodnight!
x

PS:

I just want to share this video on Youtube that I can't seem to post here, so here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dPmxXTfWOvg
It's called, Bible Theater: 1 Corinthians - Running to Win the Prize. :)

-Exactly the message that I needed to hear tonight. Thank you Lord! :)

All Things Are Possible

Last night, before going to bed, I prayed and I asked God a question. Going back to my other post, I was rambling about something surreal, right? The question I asked was about that. Thing is, there was a battle in my head if some things, such as my dilemma are possible. Last night, before going to bed, I received a sign (Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) and today when I woke up, while reading me devotional, I got a clear answer. God is reminding me that all things are possible with Him. Let me share you my devotional today from Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life. :)


Mark 10:27 (NIRV)
27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man, that is impossible. But not with God. All things are possible with God."


You Have Potential

It's amazing how many gifted people there are who just sit on the sidelines of life and do nothing. They never take a step forward to use the gifts God has given them because they don't believe they're gifted in the first place. Are you one of them?

The truth is, God has given each one of us gifts, talents and abilities. He has a great plan for you and has equipped you to do great things for His Kingdom. But until you see yourself the way He sees you and trust Him to enable you to use your gifts, you won't live up to your God-given potential.

If you're struggling with low self-esteem, a poor self-image and lacking confidence, I want you to know that God created you with amazing potential. And when you trust God and believe you can do whatever He says you can do, you will fulfill His destiny for your life.

Remember, "all things are possible with God." When you put your confidence in Him, you will be free to live up to your potential.

Prayer Starter: God, help me to see myself through Your eyes, with the gifts and talents You've given me. I believe that You made me with great potential because You are a great God. Today, I put my confidence in You and believe that all things are possible with You!

This message does not only make me feel better because I got the answer to my prayer, but absolutely amazing because this implies to any aspect of my life. I've been afraid on showing my potentials. I know most of it, but every time I try to step up and do all the things my heart wishes to do, I sometimes get dishearten because of setbacks. But right now, I'm a totally different woman, I'm God's warrior and I'm doing this for Him.

God is unfolding His plans for me, little by little. I believe He gives me discernment, but I'm praying for more wisdom.

Oh my, just an aha moment, I remembered my previous boss told me few months ago when we were having one on one talks that she observed that people listen to me and they follow me, it's just a matter on how will I use it for the right reasons. When she told me that, it was overwhelming because I did not see it that way, I mean, I know I can easily talk to anyone but I did not see it the way she did. God used her to make me see my potential. And yes, now I know that it is my purpose to serve Him by sharing His word to people, just like Paul did. I was blind, but now I see.


John 9:25 (NIRV)
25He replied, "I don't know if he is a sinner or not. I do know one thing. I was blind, but now I can see!"


Right now, my heart is filled with so much joy and my love to God and as I'm writing this, I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. It is truly amazing.

Have a great weekend ahead everyone! :)

x